LET'S GET REAL

i'll be totally honest. i have no idea what to do. every time that i've been in this spot before i've blown it. and to make it even more complex, it's more complex than any time before. i know i have to be careful. but i know that i know that i don't know what i'm doing because i've never succeeded before. that i know for a fact. i once said that to get something you've never had before (well, i have had one. but only one. and i blew that, too) you have to do something you've never done before. i need to learn from my past. but i've blown it in so many ways that i don't know what to try.

so.

i'm stuck.

i'm a little confused.

and i'm not quite sure what to do.

i can't blow this one. it means too much to me. way too much.

but i think i have an inkling of a plan. but from past experiences i know not to plan things like this, because nothing ever happens the way you expect them to.

if only, if only...

[thinking out loud.]